Okay, so let’s make this clear first: I am no Bootstrap Cook.
Jack is a huge inspiration to me but I am not a chef. I am not a nutritionist. I do not have any kind of expertise on food or health.
What I do have, however, is the lived experience of being multiply disabled and living on Universal Credit and knowing the feeling of having sleep for dinner because I’m too depressed to eat.
And I’m shite at maths so I’ll give you the real price of buying it, not the breakdown of each portion to make it seem cheaper (looking at you, Tory twitter).
I also have the experience of getting my groceries in and having my friend stare at the bag, stare at the total and ask “how?” – thank you for that one Saga, I’m very proud of my budgeting.
So if I can give one person some tips, then it’s worth it.
My shop of choice is Tesco (not sponsored, sadly) because I have a clubcard which get’s me good deals, money back somewhat regularly and their cheap brands (mostly) don’t taste like sad cardboard.
My tactics and my choices may not suite everyone. But here’s what I do know:
Hearty Food is one of their main affordable brands in Tesco. For my fellow spoonies who rely on instant noodles, they do packets for 14p and the curry actually tastes quite nice. They also do them in pots for 28p if the thought of washing bowls is too much for you.
If you get a chicken one, a tip I’ve borrowed is to turn it into chicken noodle soup. Add extra water and you can get the 1kg bag of Tesco mixed veg for 69p, add the veggies in. If you’ve got some in your cupboard, I also reccomend some honey (Stockwell & Co: 85p) and something spicy. I go for Tobasco (£2.10) and chilli flakes (Tesco: 85p) because I love adding spice to everything, but even just the honey can add some richness to some cheap noodle broth.
Seriously, the one nutrition tip I do have is to get the frozen veggies and add them to pretty much everything. I may be eating instant pasta but hey – it’s got veggies in it so I don’t feel like scurvy is breathing directly over my shoulder.
Hearty Food also do ready meals and I thoroughly recommend their 69p lasagne. I treat myself to some hard cheese (Tesco Grated Pecorino: £1) and sprinkle it on and it’s lovely. And I say that as the picky eater who will refuse a meal if I can feel the onions.
Another one of my go-to’s is just putting anything in between some kind of bread. Got some fish fingers (Hearty Food, 69p) and some bread (H W Nevill’s, 36p)? Then you can make a couple fish finger sandwiches! The bread makes it feel a lot more filling and you can even add cheese (Creamfields slices, 50p) and then smother it in tomato sauce like I do.
Yeah, the Americans might make memes about it, but a fish finger sandwich on a cold day is a thing of beauty.
Okay, and say you’re having a really bad day. Like, can barely get out of bed day. The thought of cooking even by putting something in the oven seems too much?
Soft cheese (Creamfields, 49p) and some breadsticks (Tesco, 84p) and you’ve got yourself some adult dunkers. No prep required other than grabbing them and opening the boxes.
And if it’s the prep that’s holding you up too: I promise you that it’s okay to go to Poundland and get a pack of paper plates and disposable cutlery. I know so many people who haven’t eaten just because they can’t face the dishes. There is no shame in any ‘shortcut’ you need to take if it means you get to eat.
Also, I swear by peanut butter (Stockwell, 85p) for just anything. I’ve been known to keep a jar by my bed and just eat it with a spoon on bad days. It’s got protein in it and there’s just something very satisfying about eating it. If you wanted it to add some extra healthy, chop up some apple (Rosedene, 79p) to go with it. If you’ve got a bit more energy than that, you can add it to your instant ramen, on toast, on a pancake, to a stir fry.
If you’ve got a decent amount of energy and some clean pans, I recommend a good stir fry. My recipe involves Tesco’s instant Chow Mein noodles (30p) and you can even soften them in a mug with boiling water for less washing up. While they’re softening, fry some frozen chicken (Butchers Choice, £1.69) and veg in a pan and add some Sweet Chilli sauce (Tesco, £1) once they’re cooked. Add in the soft noodles, sprinkle over the Chow Mein flavour packet and some more Sweet Chilli sauce. Mix until everything is coated and then dig in.
You can, of course, use whatever flavouring or filling you prefer, but I found the Chow Mein and Sweet Chilli combo was delicious and it made me lunch and dinner.
Like I said, I’m not a nutritionist. Hell, I’m not supposed to eat dairy or too much bread but does that stop me making grilled cheese at 3am? No, no it does not.
I’m a realist. I know my monetary budget and I know my energy budget. On bad pain days, it’s frankly a miracle if I eat more than some crisps and chocolate. And I know it’s not just me. I’ve spoken to enough other disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent people to know how much we rely on instant meals, snacks or save a chunk of our budget for takeout.
I also know there’s so much more I could cover. This barely scratches the surface of other issues like transport to supermarkets, the minimum spend charge, delivery fees, trying to get food during a pandemic.
But I hope this helps. I hope this can try and counterbalance the sanctimonious, self-righteous voices that condemns us.
We do what we have to so we can survive, and if you think that’s fucked up then maybe take it up with the government and DWP that puts us in this position.
Until then, I will share every hack I have and frankly if all you’ve eaten today is Monster Munch and chocolate digestives, I’m proud of you for eating at all.
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Harley’s £10 Bare Bones Tesco Shopping List:
- Hearty Food 15 Yorkshire Puddings – 0.50
- Butchers Choice 8 Burgers – 1.30
- Hearty Food Lasagne (x2) – 1.38
- Hearty Food 10 Fish Fingers – 0.69
- Mugshot Macaroni and Cheese (x2) – 0.98
- Creamfields Sweet Treats Yogurt – 0.79
- Rosedene 6 Apples – 0.79
- Stockwell Peanut Butter – 0.85
- Stockwell Instant Mashed Potatoes – 0.28
- Hearty Food Cheese & Tomato Pizza – 0.49
- Hearty Food Spaghetti Bolognese – 0.69
- H W Nevill’s Bread – 0.36
- Heart Food 1.5kg Chips – 0.90
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That One Weird Cripple 